Saturday, October 15, 2016

One Amazing Thing

Indian Bloggers


"I screwed up my life big-time, a lot of ways. Did a lot of stupid stuff. But at least I saw one amazing thing."

------One Amazing Thing by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni


2013 was a blow. It was a year that filled our lives with much sorrow. It was a time of emotional ups and downs. Two deaths in the family and a birth. My father-in-law's sudden death was followed by an unexpected calamity - the departure of my only brother. I was expecting my second child, my daughter, whose arrival I could not in any way celebrate. I became cold in many ways. I started forgetting people's birthdays, something I had been very particular about since I always liked to wish them on their special days. I would hate when someone remembered mine, because all it reminded me was the last surprise celebration my brother had planned for me. I stopped praying. It seemed futile to sit with folded hands and eyes closed when there was no one out there to listen. I looked around and saw death, loss, grief, pain everywhere. I wasn't the only one to suffer. I would look at a solitary cloud floating in the sky and that would take my back to my brother. It was as if he was in it, flying freely while I stood on the ground searching for him, in vain. When on the road, I would be lost in the deep woods that bordered NJ freeways. They would beckon my spirit silently and I seemed to follow, hoping that he was there, calling me, waiting to talk to me.

But he was not there. He could not be.

I had to come back, empty-handed, always.

Life was utterly hopeless.

I had to find a way out. But I did not know how.



Image Source


Then one day, a close friend of mine called me. She was feeling very low. I tried to cheer her up on the phone, Later I wrote something for her. It was my first blog post - For You, My Dear Friend. It was from here that I named my Blog, When I Stopped to Smell a Rose. I did not know what would happen next. It wasn't as if all my agony had swept away. No, I still felt that void. I don't really thing it can be filled in any ways. But it did touch my core in an inexplicable way. My heart ached to write.

I had started on a journey almost unawares. I was clueless as to where it would lead me. But I was willing to be led. Some unheard voice guided me along. Some unseen hand nudged me gently and I started walking.

It was later that I realized a strange thing. I had posted my first poem, my first writing on my grandmother's birthday - October 15.  It was a strange feeling, an astonishing realization, a sign I willingly acknowledged as a blessing. It was an amazing thing to see that tiny speck of light amidst the bleakest, gloomiest part of my life.

I remembered all the birthdays I had celebrated with her, the cards I had made for everyone special to me, the happy moments that had given me so much precious memories to hold on to. Do you think I cried then? No, I cleansed myself of the heaviness of the sorrow that was crushing me.

I got up, and I decided to walk around, with others, to lighten them up, to cheer them up.
To smile.
To make them smile.

Through the foggy blindness of my pain, through the blurry denseness of others' misery, a hope sprung inside. And I decided to write.

I have continued. Somehow, despite occasional setbacks, I have continued. What started on October 15, 2014, has completed two years.

My blog has survived.
My hopes have survived.

The lone distant cloud still fills my heart with yearning and the deep woods still intrigue me.
But something stays put. Something holds me together. The healing continues.

All I need to do now is to extend a Big Thanks to all of you, my family, my friends, my fellow bloggers, who have tolerated me despite my irregularity.

I never thought I would be here. But who can, really, even if one plans. Do we ever have any absolute knowledge of even one moment of future. No, I don't think so.

But then, if we had the knowledge, would it be easy? The answer is again NO.

As I end the post, I want to share one more thing.
Last night, we dined outside. It would have been just like any other moment of eating outside but for one thing. Our table was next to a family who was celebrating an occasion. It was a very special one. The eldest member of their family, their mother-in-law, had turned 90! It was amazing to be part of this celebration although we were not part of the family. As we extended our wishes to the birthday girl, my heart was filled with amazement. I felt after a long time that birthdays are special!



Linking to Sanch Vee 's #FridayReflections  prompt

Did you think you’d be doing what you’re currently doing in life? Write a personal essay.


34 comments:

  1. I can relate to it so much..it happened to me too few years back.and also agree that writing helps on so many levels. More power to you and your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunaina it was really sad to read that 2013 was a not so good for you. But definitely with your courage, grit, determination, will power and above all your brimming acumen of your "Blog Writing" you are back with your fantasies and creative thoughts being pumped deep in your blog.Very touchy, sentimental and excellent writing with terrific correlation.

      Delete
    2. Thanks Deepa....Yes, writing has helped me in many ways I didn't realize earlier. I would recommend that everyone pick at least one thing they absolutely love to do, to make life worthwhile.

      Delete
    3. Thanks Mr. Verma. I read Chitra Banerjee's book lately and that made me think about all that I have written in this post.

      Delete
  2. Thats how life is, we do things we never thought would be a part of our lives.Congrats to you on keeping up with such a lovely blog!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True Malavika....things in life go unplanned....many many times....that's how life is.

      Delete
  3. I know that feeling very well, but it is not out time and we must wait out turn. It'll come. Best not to hasten it. I believe loved ones will wait, if they go first, to welcome us wherever it is they've gone. And they'd want us to be full of joy, happy we had them with us for a while - not sad because they can't be there now. We carry them in our hearts. Three years - it sounds about right. I remember feeling as though the lights had come back on, about three years after my mom died. I will never stop missing her, but now it's with smiles and good memories and not this howling sorrow, this bottomless well of grief. And that's how she'd want it - to be remembered with smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your coment touched my heart Holly. Thanks so much for taking the time out and sharing your story here. It gives me hope....I wish you strength and courage and happiness always. May your mom's soul rest in peace and may she continue to shower her blessings on her beloved daughter.

      Delete
  4. A very heart felt piece of writing Sunaina. Nice to know why and how you started blogging. I have come to realize that there can be something therapeutic about writing. As the mind struggles to come out of a stagnating situation or a vaccum, writing can help a person to pull together his/her thoughts, and in the process one learns to cope with the situation and can make the best out of it as you have clearly done. With such sensitivity in writing, you also help others to see the positive side through all the grind in life. Keep writing. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True Somali...I didn't realize what I was doing would help me in this way but it did. Sometimes, when you do certain things, only then you understand their significance in life. Thanks for being a strong support for me. You have helped too in many ways.

      Delete
  5. A very heart felt piece of writing Sunaina. Nice to know why and how you started blogging. I have come to realize that there can be something therapeutic about writing. As the mind struggles to come out of a stagnating situation or a vaccum, writing can help a person to pull together his/her thoughts, and in the process one learns to cope with the situation and can make the best out of it as you have clearly done. With such sensitivity in writing, you also help others to see the positive side through all the grind in life. Keep writing. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for sharing, Sunaina. A very powerful testament of how sometimes we're saved by reaching out to another. Your posts are so rich with meaning and authenticity because they flow from your spirit. I'm grateful to have connected with you. ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, thank you so much for such uplifting words Corinne. Yes, I strongly feeling that reaching out to others helps you, even when you don't realize that you are the one who needs help. That is the strange thing about life and about us as humans. I am thankful to have connected with you too. Your words of inspiration always have a profound effect on me.

      Delete
  7. Life teaches us so much. You learned the lessons with grace unlike me who learned cynicism 😑

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have my moments of cynicism too, I cannot deny that. But that cannot last for very long as I start feeling tired. But your cynicism is creative in a superb way. So, no regrets....:)

      Delete
  8. It was such a poignant read, Sunaina. Birthdays are special, for every day is a gift, let alone another year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Maliny. Yes, birthdays are special indeed.

      Delete
  9. This is such a poignant read, Sunaina. Writing is a medicine to so many things. A solution. And your writing is a testament of how writing is a therapy and how community is a life saver. Wishing you many more years of peace, happiness and blogging. 😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Ramya. Writing is a medicine that is not bitter, you made a good analogy here.

      Delete
  10. Sunaina, heartfelt congratulations on two wonderful years of blogging. A journey that starts unexpectedly, without any plans or expectations is always the most memorable one, isn't it? Cheers to birthdays and all other lovely events that make life meaningful!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kala....It is good to be able to continue beyond the first year. I had read somewhere that blogs usually die after their first year. Only the persistent ones continue to exist. Thankfully I am still there...:)

      Delete
  11. Great that you took it in your stride, Sunaina! Thank God it's all over now..Life's like that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Amit ji. Choices are all that we can make....!

      Delete
  12. Great you delved into writing when your life was going thru a tough phase.Hope you grow more with time and share some extraordinary stories. More power to you and congratulations on completing 2 wonderful years of blogging. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is such a precious piece of writing dear Sunaina, very candid, very straight from the heart. Heartfelt congratulations on your second blog anniversary buddy. May you soar higher and higher in all your deeds.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I always adore your writings Sunaiana... they are so captivating.
    Sad to know about your Brother and FIL. Hope your Healing journey be smooth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your kind wishes Upasna....Your support means a lot to me.

      Delete
  15. This was such a poignant read, Sunaina! Writing is therapeutic. Congrats on the two year Blog anniversary!

    ReplyDelete